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| Hello there. I'm sure you're reading this from Facebook. Well, I'm about ready to deactivate that damn social network, or at least delete EVERYONE, then make the page as private as I can make it. I am so sick of all the fakes, the liars, the bull shit statuses about how happy people are, how great their life is, blah blah blah. And for goodness sakes, STOP PUTTING YOUR DAMN BUSINESS ON FACEBOOK! Not everyone needs to know what happened to you to day, details about your job, blahblahblah. When I post something about work, it's usually "work was slow" or "work was boring" or "work was horrible" or "work was good". Truthfully, no one needs the details about it... And if you work for Wal-Mart, Inc... It's actually against company policy to talk about work outside of the work place. Therefore, I usually don't talk about work in a publicly viewed place, much less the internet at all. YOU, and I mean ALL of you, should take a page out of that book, eh? No one needs to know your business. Also, I assure you... No one wants to know the minute details of your day either. I can understand every once in a while you ramble about your day... But EVERY STATUS UPDATE? Come on... I do not need a play by play of your day. Facebook is not ESPN for Human Activity. It's a way to connect to those you used to know. That doesn't mean that people that you USED to know want to know what you do... On a daily basis and all the details on it.
Another thing, I really don't want to read your lies about your life. Stop spreading that bull. Yes, you love your life. However... You can't love your life every second of everyday. It just isn't possible. You just don't post it on Facebook because you don't want to share about how flipping BAD you feel. And those of you that always post how BAD you feel, why don't you stop, analyze your life and see how you can make your life a little better so you can start posting BS about how good your life is too? Yes, vicious circle, I guess.
I'm sure, but I would rather see application updates over bull shit, fakes, and someone's business. I don't need an update of your life every hour on the hour. Thank you, and this is the end of my soap box rant.
P.S.: I blog for a reason. Blogs are made for your business because you can choose to read it, or not, as opposed to Facebook! :D
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| It's been since March that I've updated my Xanga... It's been long since over due, but that's life I guess. It's been well over a year since I moved from Mississippi. I miss the place and everything that it is. I miss my family, the few friends I have left, hell... Even the heat in the summer. I miss everything there is about Mississippi. I want to go home, and soon enough... I will be coming home. It's time to face the music, and the fact that I'm becoming less and less happier the longer I live here has made me the way I am. I'm more distant than I ever was and probably ever will be. I was worse now than I was when I moved here. While I was here though, I met the most wonderful man in the world. His name is Wells, and he's the greatest boyfriend any girl could ask for. When I leave, I'll be leaving him behind, and that's the biggest thing I have to deal with. I've been told that I have to leave Curiosity as well, which hurts my heart as well since he's been with me since he was only a few weeks old. Moving away from here hurts, even though I'm not happy here. Moving away from here will bring me closer to my family though, and I think that's what is important. It will give me the chance to return to school and do what I need to do to make something of myself. However, because work is so little where my parents live, I have to survive a transfer from Wal-Mart. I've yet to start it, and I'm having to leave this place soon. God is with me, and I believe that with all of my heart. However, I just pray that he makes this process go smoother than what it seems to be doing. Truth be told, I'm scared as hell to be moving. It's a twelve hour drive back home. It's much further than I thought, even though I got the seven hundred miles right when I tell someone that's how far it is. I'm happy that I've gotten to live here though, as I wasn't ready to go home when I had to leave Nashville, but I just feel like this crap is happening all over again.
I want to vent to this journal, but everything I want to say can't be expressed in words like I would want to express them. Packing everything has been very difficult on me, very difficult. I've wanted to cry every time I take a box out to my car. I've had to be strong though, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. My mind is very set on what I need to do and where I need to go. I love my boyfriend, but I love my family too. Family comes first in my life, always. I wish I could make him understand that. I wish I could tell him that my family is really all I have once everything is said and done. It's hard to explain something like that to someone that loves you like he loves me though. I love him as much as he loves me, perhaps more, but... My family will always be there for me. Sadly enough, he may not be. So I need to go home, start fresh, and make something of myself even though things have changed everywhere.
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| Tonight, I blog again for the first time in a while. If you read this, you'll know how life's been going for me for a while now. I shall blog about the whole year, since the new year is upon us.
Life since January
January - I was still living at home with my parents, still playing Xbox and jobless. I was depressed and on medication. Life was dismal, and I could never sleep. Before this point, I had decided to go to another college away from home. That was the tentative plan. I was looking into each college and the places they were located, hoping to get away from home and out of the place that was heavily linked to the past.
Feburary - Still at home, nothing had really changed, and I was becoming more and more lonely. I hated my life more than ever, and I was to the point of deciding whether or not to kill myself. My Xbox wasn't keeping me happy, and not a damn thing made sense to me at all... Nights were even more sleepless and my parents we becoming tired of the fact that I would go days without sleep, and then crash when I couldn't handle it anymore. I sunk deeper into my depression, and it was horrid.
March - My Xbox died, and my life ended. I still hadn't found a school that I wanted to go to, and I couldn't really decide if any of them would have been right at all. It was already too late to go back to MGCCC, since school had been in session since January. I sent out a message to all my friends on Xbox, letting them know how they could get in touch with me... and then my Knight in Shining armor appeared without me even expecting it. It had been a few days since I had sent the message, but he wanted to talk to me. We talked all night, and he saved my life... I couldn't have been happier. He was my best friend before I even knew it. We constantly talked, to the point that he had to get a new card for his phone for texting alone. We talked on Skype, MSN, the phone, whatever... We talked so much. We both began to fall in love, and I decided that I was going to Nashville for school. I met him at the end of the month when I went to look at apartments. It was the best date of my life.
April - I moved to Nashville, started school, and couldn't have been more happy. Everything was perfect. I couldn't have asked for more, never. I had friends too. As I said, I couldn't have asked for more.
May - Things fell out with school, and I had to drop out. Money had become an issue, and I still hadn't found a job. I was still carefree. I had money to pay my bills, but I was running out though. I knew it, but I tried not to let it bother me. This is the month that I connected with Kim on Facebook, and we became such good friends. Thank you Purse Soldier. <3 I kept looking, kept applying for jobs. I did my best. I saw my Knight whenever I could, even took care of him when he was sick.
June - My whirlwind romance was at it's finest, even though we had our fights. I loved him, despite some of our significant differences. Things were great, I even found a promising job. I just had to wait to interview for it. June was coming to an end at that point. All was going to be okay, I was sure of it.
July - I got my job working for Waffle House. It was great, and I loved it. Serving people was what I seemed to do best, and I only ever had one bad customer report, but it wasn't my fault. You can only take orders, cook, and serve so quickly. I guess that was my problem... I couldn't do it all at once. I tried though. I tried my hardest. I made great friends, but I also made an enemy or two. Yet, that happens... It's life, no? My Knight broke up with me near the end of my stint with WH. My life ended as I knew it, and Kim asked me to move in with her. I chose to move on.
August - I moved here, thinking it felt like home. I didn't find a job right off. I looked. I made a friend, but I was back to my depression and insomnia. I couldn't sleep at night. It was scary. I was depressed. All I thought about was getting the hell out, in any way possible. I hear from my former Knight through letter while he's at boot camp, but I don't write him back right away. Had to wait on stamps from my mom. Woo.
September - Still no job, and I forgot my mom's birthday until like three days later. I still hadn't found a job either. However, I tried to stay positive, but it was very lacking in my department. My depression was drowning me. It wasn't easy to deal with. Nothing much happened that month.
October - I got a job. I'm a cashier at Wal-Mart. I catch on really quick and make a couple of friends. My depression was still horrible at the time. My brother's birthday was this month as well, and I didn't call him. I did Facebook him though, which wasn't as good... But he got over it I suppose. Not much happened that month, I guess.
November - My birthday happened. I turned twenty-one. I drank a little and played Aion. It was great. I had a boy ask me out the day before, but that fell apart not long after. It's okay because he wasn't the right guy. It hurt, but I wasn't ready for a new relationship anyway. I should have realized that, but that's okay. November was kinda boring. My roommate's birthday is also this month... It was all good. Still had my job, and it was going well... Though my depression was still heavy. I could sleep more though, because worked tired me out every day.
December, this month - My relationship was short lived with that guy, but I reconnected with Paul, a friend of mine for a long time. I also made a new friend, Deanyah... Who is Brian's girlfriend. Brian and I are still very good friends, even though I live forever away. I miss him a lot. I figured out a lot of things this month... Figured out that I was stabbed in the back by someone that I thought was my best friend. I figured out that I'm very good at what I do at work. I figured out that I still have some priorities that I need to get straight before I continue to learn the facts of life. I have learned that you don't know what you have until you lose it... I learned that I have to keep my friends close to me, but my enemies closer. I learned that you can't just love someone and forget about them like it never happened. Christmas was pretty decent, but it wasn't with my mom or dad, which is okay. It was a Christmas with some kind of family though. Kim and Eric are family, and I can't take it for granted... Though I have been, when I shouldn't. I'm still depressed, very deeply depressed. However, I still try to make the best out of things. I welcome the new year.
Today, I wanted to be in Charlotte to hang out with my friend Paul. I didn't have the money, and I loathed the fact that I didn't have the money. I still loathe the fact that I don't have the money. However, that's life. There are people that have less than I do, even though they look like they have everything. Some people have everything and have nothing... They take advantage of whatever it is they have, use it until it's all gone... And then throw it away, like a child throws away and old toy.
Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace... That's a line from my favorite song by Within Temptation. I love it. :3
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| So incredibly short lived, simply because I told the truth and was judged upon it. Sounds ridiculous, I know. However, that person will see the light of things, and they'll regret their decision. It may not be right now, and it may not be within the next couple of days. It could be years when they realize what they had missed out on. Honestly, I don't care at this point. I just thought I would blog about how much I hate the way things turned out. Yeah, I know that I'm being very vague, but such is life when it comes to me.
Now, on to a new subject.
I work at Wal-Mart. Yeah, it's not the best job, but that's exactly what it is. It's a job, an income, as well as something to do. I'm a cashier, and it's not so horrible. I actually kinda like it, but I wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my unnatural life. I would like to return to college and all that jazz. You know, blah blah?
North Carolina is great, but it's cold. I hate the cold, but that's natural, considering that I'm from Mississippi.
So, on to more juicier things. I discovered that some of the people that I trusted cannot be trusted! Such is life though, right? Also, why are people so stupid? Makes me wonder if breeding laws should be in place... I mean, really?
Aion has been getting really fun, but I've been playing WoW too. :3 Good stuff for both. I don't know which one I want to place the most though. Aion has a ten day double experience, but WoW has an expansion coming out, and I'm going to have to re-sub for both this month. BOO!
Anyway, rambling. <3
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| Today is Tuesday. Today is the nineteenth day of the tenth month of the year... October 19th. What's so important about today? I was informed that I got a job. It is also the day that I decided to commit myself to good health.
My name is Bri, but I am known by so many other names. Ryk or Rykah, Vy, Niight, or anything else that I've go by in game or over the internet. I am all the same person, and all that person is... is just me. Me, Brianna. Me, the girl who has trouble keeping her head up.
The girl who has trouble keeping her head up... That has got to fucking change. I'm sorry if you're reading this, offended by my language, but it's true. I DO NOT want to be the girl with trouble keeping her head up anymore. I want to be the girl who keeps her head up no matter what. I want to be the girl that people look to when they need advice or when they need help. I don't want to be the girl that people have to help.
Today is a perfect day for change. I have a job, as it may be part time, but I have a job. As a matter of fact, I have a lot of things. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my belly, and family and friends that will support me through tough times.
Speaking of friends that have supported me through tough times, Eric and Kim have been so AMAZING. They have done something that others would NEVER think to do.
Kim and Eric: I love you guys so much, and I don't think I would be looking towards the positive without you right now, and believe me. I will REPAY you for everything that you have done, for the sacrifices that you have made, that you might make. I will do EVERYTHING I can to help you now, to return the favor. Thank you so much for being here for me, for understanding even when I made things certainly unclear for anyone to understand. You two are family to me now and I love you guys. I really do.
Sasha: My wonderful sister, you are a blessing. You are truly amazing, and I have little words to describe how thankful I am for you. I have no idea what I would do without you, or where I would be. We have been through so much together, and you have protected me when I needed it... As well as shoved me into the real world when I have needed it. I love you so much. You have helped shape me into the woman that I am today, and I don't have all the words that I need to show you how appreciative I am of it.
I'm not saying that these three are the only people that have been there for me. No, there have been several others. However, Sasha, Kim, and Eric have been a constant since I've really needed it, or even when I didn't want it. However, I thank you all for being there for me throughout my life. I thank anyone who reads this... Simply for reading it. It really shows that you give a damn about me.
Today is time for change. I want to be an embalmer, but I also want to be in the United States Airforce. By God, I will try to do both. I'm almost twenty-one years old, and I have done nothing in my life but make important mistakes. I am TIRED of making mistakes, so I am picking up here. I am picking up here, and I WILL do right by myself now. I am no longer depressed that I messed up my life, as I know it has been for the better now. Instead of easing my way into life through the shallow end, I jumped into the deep end. Now, I know what life is about. I am making a choice, and that choice is to be healthy, join the Airforce and later become an embalmer. I also want to meet Tyler Stoneking. Long story, and I'm not sharing. So don't ask! ^^
This is my decision, and I'm going to stick to it. Don't try to stop me, you can't change my mind at this point, even if you tried.
Until next time, my dears.
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